… To dismally miserable. I can’t believe I was so happy in my previous post. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to be happy.
Today was one of those days when you wake up and are actually sad that you didn’t die in your sleep. I had a panic attack on the way home. The only reason I mention it is because panic attacks are just something that I don’t do. I eventually stopped the car because I felt like I was either going to die of an asthma attack or a heart attack, I wasn’t sure which. What brought it on? My life I guess?
Richard sent me this sms that said he was moving on. Fair enough, I totally think he should! He deserves to be happy, and to find someone who will make him happy. I just didn’t think that his moving on would feel like someone was stabbing me repeatedly with a blunt knife.
Let’s see… what else… oh, yes… my car. My wonderful piece-of-crap car. The thing actually has a crater on the side thanks to rust. Now at this point you’re saying, isn’t it time to buy a new car?
This brings me to my finances… I am once again broker than broke. Oh please, don’t even go there.
Did you know that Crash Car Burn is Tweak reincarnated? I didn’t. I love their song Serenade. It kinda makes you think… what demons are you sleeping with tonight? On my way home (another of the things that contributed to my state of panic) I started making a list…
> Anger
> Resentment
> Regret
> Loneliness
> Hurt
> Fear of: Dieing alone, living alone, being invisible, not being able to love… the list is endless.
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